Hank and Phil Go to the Market

"Fuck, Hank.  I feel all growed up!"

"What the hell are you talking about?, Phil?"

"We're going to load up on food before we get small!"

"Get small?  No one has said 'get small' in 30 years."

"I still can't believe we're gonna get stoned tonight.  It's been a long time."

"Well, don't get your hopes up.  I don't even know if it's still any good.  I didn't even know I had any until you found that little baggie.  What the hell were you doing in that old junk drawer anyway?"

"I needed toenail clippers.  I thought you might have had some."

"What the fuck did you need toe nail clippers for?"

"Hank, I don't know what you use them for, but I use them to cut my toenails.  They were getting long enough to climb trees." Phil laughed.

"And you thought you'd cut your toenails.....at MY house.  Do me a favour, the next time you get a hankerin' to cut your toenails, do it at your house!"

"Hank-erin'?"

"Fuck off!  We're here.  Hurry up, don't be long."

"You're not coming in?"

"It's 2:30 am, and we'd just end up arguing about what to get.  Two old guys arguing over snacks in the Super Save at 2:30 am?  We'd look like two old gay fellas.  Just hurry up!"

Phil lumbered across the near barren parking lot into the 24 hour supermarket.  He really didn't know what to get.  He'd be much better at this if he were already stoned.  He was loading the cart with some Doritos, and salsa when the thought occurred to him that they needed meat.  None of that sliced turkey breast shit either.  He needed some meat full of salt and other shit that's bad for you, dreamed up by some folks in the old country.  Something that would make his cardiologist cringe.  It wasn't everyday he got stoned anymore!

He was rambling over to the deli when he saw her.  Blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders to nipple height, he figured.  Pretty face and slender build held his regard almost as much as the difficulty she was having managing her way down the aisle.  She leaned on her cart to maintain her balance.  Reaching up to a shelf just high enough to make her stand on her tip toes, she stumbled and caught herself on her cart.  But the cart started to roll.  Phil made quick to hold the cart before she went crashing to the floor.

"Drunk as a skunk." Phil thought.

"Come here often?" Phil said to her.

"Thanks for catching the cart." She hadn't seemed to totally regain her balance yet.  "But I haven't heard that line in 30 years.  I'm here to do some shopping, I'm not looking for a date."

"If you change your mind by the time you get to produce, let me know."

She dismissed him and pushed her cart, unsteadily still down the aisle, away from Phil.

*************************************************
"What the fuck is taking him so long?" Hank thought to himself, sitting in the car.

His mind wandered back to the first time he got stoned.  Such a long time ago.  It was with Her.  He still can't figure out whether it was Her, the pot, or a combination of both, but there were few times since then he had felt so......comfortable.  Fewer times still, that he had laughed and giggled as much as that first time with Her.

We woke up from that far away place as he noticed a woman come out of the store.  She didn't look like she was having an easy time of it.  Her cart was going from side to side, and each time it did, Hank was sure she'd lose it and hit the pavement.  He was about to get out and help the woman who'd obviously imbibed lots too much when a man opened the door of a nearby car and helped her and her cart the rest of the way.  He opened the trunk, deposited the groceries, then helped her deposit herself into the passenger seat.

As he closed her door, Hank was startled by his own passenger door opening.

"We're all set!  Doritos, salsa and some meat with a name I can't pronounce.  Let's get going!"

"How'd it go?" asked Hank.

"Well, good buddy.  You're lucky I love you.  In a non-assfucking kinda way.  I almost picked up this hot blonde in there!"

"You mean the one I saw come out of the store?"

"I guess.  Blonde?"

"Yeah, and pissed to the gills.  That one?"

"Heh, heh.  Good times!  Let's get back to your place and spark that spliff!"

"Spliff?  OK, Mr. Kerouac."

******************************************************

"Nancy, I wish you'd let me do the shopping."

"Frank, it won't be long until I can't do the shopping, or the cleaning, or make love to you, or even walk.  This fucking disease doesn't get better.  You and I both know that.  It will eat away at my brain until I can't even breathe without a machine.  It will happen much quicker than either of us would like."

"Why do we have to go so late at night?"

"I won't bother anyone then, I don't do well in crowds anymore."

"I wish you would wear your walking shoes instead of those, though."

"I look prettier in these than those old clunkers.  I like to look nice."

"You're beautiful, Nancy."

"You're more blind than I am wobbly!  And thank you!"

"Did you get the turkey breast?"

"I did sweetie."

"I still don't understand how you can walk in those."

"Not many people do, Frank.  Not many people do."