Nature and Nurture

There were small congregations of folks scattered on the parking lot.  Little pow wows, thought Phil.  His little pow wow had a compliment of two.  Him and Billy.  Today Billy was chief.

The services had ended about a half hour ago.  People had stayed around, not really knowing when they should leave.  Such was the case at these things.  People helpless to do anything really, and wanting to more of it.  Phil hated hearing that 'there is a reason for everything' as folks feebly tried to explain the unexplainable to the grievers. Fuck, sometimes there was no fucking reason.  No good one that made sense anyway.

"Where's Monica?" asked Phil.

"She had to go back into work.  It's just as well.  She didn't feel comfortable here.  We've only been dating for three weeks." replied Billy despondently.  His eyes still looked raw.  The bags under his eyes were evident.  He hadn't slept two hours in succession since the day.

"She sure is a looker" said Phil.

Billy looked up from his shoes for a second.  "A 'looker'?  Really, Phil?  What is this? 1975?" A brief smile appeared.

"Heh.  Well us old folks have a hard time staying hip with the young'uns.  Cut an old guy a break." said Phil, glad for the momentary levity.

"She sure likes motorboatin'." smiled Billy.

"You have a boat?  How come you never asked me to go motorboating?"  As soon as the words left his mouth, he realized Billy wasn't referring to the nautical pass-time at all.  It was more of a 'naughty-cal' pass-time.  Got it! He thought to himself.  He allowed himself an invisible smile, both for his uncommon naivete, as well has his private punny.

Billy let it pass.  "I guess Mom and Sarah are still inside receiving folks.  Don't these people know it's time to go home already?"

"I know, kid.  They are so very tired."

"I'm worried about Sarah.  I'm scared she won't be able to get through this."

"She'll get through it.  Just how she does, we'll have to see.  It may not be graceful, it will most likely be just short of unbearable, and will most certainly be ugly at times.  But I'm confident she'll come through to the other side."

They both left unsaid what they were both thinking.  They remembered when it didn't look good for Sarah.  She had descended to a place from which many never emerge.  She'd turned to the needle after Frank had died.  She'd left home and spent time on the streets doing things that neither wanted to acknowledge out loud.  She'd managed to get through it, with lots of help.  It wasn't graceful, seemed unbearable for her and those around her, and was the ugliest of ugly at times.  In the end, she'd cleaned up. She'd done a 180 (after a couple of 360's) and got schooled, got working, got pregnant.  She'd gotten pregnant by her own choice, determined to be the best mom she could be, on her own.  And she was doing it.  Her work, her baby, her life, all had seemed to be coming together.

Both came out of their inner-reflections as they dropped their butts to the ground and snuffed them out with their seldom-worn dress shoes.

"Let's get back in there and give them a break." said Billy.

They entered the funeral home and negotiated past some exiting mourners to find the place nearly empty.  The unusually small casket lay closed and only Janet, Sarah and Hank remained in that corner of the parlour.

Sarah felt she'd shed her last tears for the day.  She couldn't imagine there could be any more left as she'd spent most of the past few days shedding so many. 

"I guess we should get going soon." said Sarah, looking back at the enormous collection of flowers surrounding the tiny coffin.  Her eyes fell upon a wreath from "Grandma & Grandpa" and tears began to flow again.  "Oh God, I need Dad here now!" she wailed deeply but quietly.

Janet pulled her into her.

"Mom, I don't know if I can do this without him."

"I know you don't.  But I do.  And you will see it too.  Probably not today, or even tomorrow.  You have much of your Dad in you.  Use everything he's given to you."

Janet said these words to her daughter.  She really believed them. She just didn't know if she'd have it in herself to get through this, without Frank.  She really needed Frank now.

Billy brought himself over to his mom and sister and put his arms around both of them.

"We'll all get through this together." he said.  He motion Phil and Hank over.

Awkwardly, at first, both Phil and Hank joined the supportive embrace.  Soon though, any feigned machismo either of them had any pretense of displaying left.  Unabashed sorrow flowed from all five of them.  This was their family now.

************************************************

Hank dropped off Phil at his place about 10 pm.  He was home now, downstairs, with his headphones.  He'd retrieved some cedar boards from the garage and was gearing up to plane them.  What he'd make out of them, he didn't know.  Tonight though, he needed to build something.  Anything.

He hoped Janet was asleep now.  He really hoped Sarah would get to sleep tonight and not invite the demons in.  Billy would be asleep until at least early tomorrow morning with the amount  of scotch he'd been sipping since the funeral.  Monica couldn't keep him awake with her sluttiest underthings, a set of booster cables, and a clown.

"Fuck I've been hanging out with Phil, way too long." he thought to himself.  The truth was, he was exhausted.  The death of Sarah's daughter had hit him hard, and it surprised him.  He thought of Janet and her kids non-stop since the day in the emergency room. He loved that family of theirs.  He missed Frank too.

Carly Simon sang to him in his headphones.....

"We can never know about the the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day...."

He thought he heard a knock on the door.  He removed the AKG's from his head.  Sure enough.  There was loud knocking coming from the first floor.  He glanced at the clock on the wall as he made for the stairs. 1:30 am.

He opened to door.  Sarah stood there, disheveled and sweating.

"Oh shit." he thought.  The drugs.